So when the bishop came to visit us one night and asked me to speak in Sacrament and the topic he gave me was Eternal Marriage and Relationships, being it close to Valentines Day, I was shocked. He did give us a compliment by saying how, by just watching us, he knows that we have a strong, loving marriage.
However with little sleep that week I was able to come up with a talk and then I fretted on what I was going to cut out. I actually had my pencil handy during the first speaking and she helped me eliminate even more by saying some things I was using as well.
So here is my condensed version. It actually wasn't as bad once I started but then the longer I stood there the more I shook. I intentionally wore flat shoes so I didn't fall over.
If it looks like I am reading my
talk, I am NOT. I am just talking to the little people in the podium. I’m going
to title my talk on…Marriage and Relationships - On every wedding card we write: “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. Most of it will be small stuff.”
All that is required to nurture a
relationship is to give all you are presently capable of giving and treat each
other as if they are doing the same. This also means don't judge another person by what YOU think THEIR best is. We don't know what kind od a day they are having. Remind yourself of the Widow's Mite.
We should focus on being the nurturer in our
relationships.
Satan loves to cause much havoc
and contention in our families but in
3
Nephi 18:19 & 21 the Savior gives us some counsel:
19-Therefore ye must always pray unto the
Father in my name;
21-Pray in your families unto the
Father, always in my name, that your
wives and your children may be blessed.
So it tells us that families can be
strengthened to resist the temptations of Satan by praying together.
Prayer can be the glue
for your family.
I will move right on to the marriage part of my talk. My favorite
subject! My favorite person! My BEST friend.
But first I want to tell you
something I read on the internet the other day, because we believe EVERYTHING
we read on the internet. No Bawlin’s (a.k.a) McMillans have been married for
about 60 years? And Lowe’s around 60ish years? Wellllll, let me tell you what I
read. There is a picture of an elderly couple holding hands and the caption read: “The longest recorded marriage lasted 91 years & 12 days.” And then
the picture below that was of the temple and the caption on that read, “I
believe you are mistaken.”
What a blessing it is that we have
ETERNITY to be married and living the gospel principles will help us attain
this eternal marriage! Doesn’t that make you so excited? WE have this knowledge
AND guidance!
Well Doran and I have been truly
blessed to have to perfect marriage from day ONE!! Except if you count
the year I had to chase Doran before he caught me. Oh and the first year after
we got married we frequently talked about splitting up. Oh and about…..anyway,
besides all those unfavorable times and after we were sealed in the temple, we have had a perfect marriage! SNORT
I was talking to Joni the other day
and she mentioned that one of her daughters said: “I can’t wait to get married
so life will be easier.” Joni and I had a good laugh over that one.
D&C 42:22 reads: ”Thou shalt love
they wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.”
When we are loyal and committed to
our spouse and gospel covenants, we increase the probability of a happy &
enduring marriage. This can apply to relationships with anyone. Our parents, our children, our siblings. When we are LOYAL and COMMITTED we increase happiness.
James E. Faust has said: A husband
should always try to treat his wife with the greatest courtesy and respect,
holding her in the highest esteem and unless you are planning, preparing and cleaning up after dinner that day, do not divulge her age during fast and testimony meeing. Ok, I added the age and dinner part.
I would add: Wives, do not whine and
complain about your day as soon as he walks in the door from work…..Wait until he hangs up his coat and
then attack. OK, not really. Actually believe it or not, he may have had a bad day too. Don’t
use your spouse as a punching bag.
If husbands and wives would only give
greater emphasis to the virtues that are to be found in one another and less to
the faults, there would be fewer broken hearts, fewer tears, fewer divorces,
and much more happiness in the homes of our people.
I know it has strengthened our
marriage when we kneel each night and thank our Heavenly Father for each other.
I know… Some of you are
thinking….well, there are some days that I don’t FEEL like that. On those days
you STILL need to thank Heavenly Father and let your mind think of all the
wonderful things you DO like about your spouse.
Read scriptures together. If you are
good at having Family Scripture study, I still suggest that you take time each
night to read scriptures with just you and your spouse. I love this time
together with Doran.
Marion D Hanks has said: Married
peoples should be best friend; no relationship on earth needs friendship as
much as marriage.
My children know that I love them dearly. But they also know that Daddy comes first. He is my
best friend. He is my number one priority, next to chocolate and OUR #1 is Heavenly Father.
One of our daughters was visiting one
weekend. We were all sitting in the front room and then dad and I needed to
walk next door or somewhere for a minute. As we walked down the walkway we were
holding hands. When we came back our daughter said: That is so cute to see you
holding hands. I want a marriage just like yours.
Remember constant courtship. The most
important relationship upon this earth for you is between you and your
sweetheart. Work at it, sacrifice for it, enjoy it. You can make your home a
bit of heaven as you build for an eternity together. Find something to do together. One of the things we like to do together is torture ourselves on our Saturday morning runs.
The secret of a happy marriage is to
serve God and each other.
Some will ask…what if I do all the
serving in the family and my spouse and kids don’t serve back? I don’t know the
answer to this because I’m still working on it. But I DO know if I lower my
expectations or not even HAVE expectations then I don’t get my feelers hurt.
It took me years to learn and I still
have to remind myself, that it is NOT Doran OR my families responsibility to
make me happy. I have to create my own happiness and to serve and love others.
THAT is where the happiness comes from.
A couple of pointers:
* Don’t
ever talk negative about your spouse to anyone!
* Don’t
fight in front of the kids.
* Get
out of debt and stay out of debt. Debt adds stress to relationships.
* Always
look for the good in every situation. There is ALWAYS good. Sometimes we have
to look a little harder.
* Don't keep secrets. Except maybe for the candy bar I didn't share the other day.
* Attend the temple
* Have
humor!! But not at the expense of your spouse’s or families feelings. Have fun in life. In
2 Nephi it says: Men are, that they might have joy. Chelsea reminded me about something that happened that MOST
of us laughed about for days. A few weeks ago the family was over having dinner
or games and just before they left daddy and I shared a quick kiss. Well that
just about grossed our granddaughter out. So to reminder her that we still love
each other at our age, after she left, we shared another one, took a selfie and
sent it to her phone. Yes, have humor and SHARE it!
Moving on.
Don’t bring up the past!! One of my
favorite examples is from the Lion King when Rafiki hits Simba on the head with
his stick. Simba says; "Ow! Jeez, what was that for?" Rafiki replies: (insert Rafiki voice) "It doesn’t
matter. It’s in the past." In which Simba says: "Yeah, but it
still hurts." Rafiki then says: "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I
see it, you can either run from it, or…learn from it."
Now I don’t suggest to start carrying
a stick but relationships can be hard enough without the burden of keeping past
issues alive and vibrant in your mind and in your relationship.
One of my favorite quotes is from President
Gordon B Hinckley says: True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a
matter of anxious concern for the
well-being of one’s companion. He also states: If every husband and every
wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and
happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce.
Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry
explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and
meanness.
Sister Hollingsworth shared an
example in the Stake Women’s Conference and I would like to share one too. My
mother makes beautiful quilts and I’m not sure if my dad does also but he will
go to the fabric store WITH HER and he will cut up most of the
perfectly good pieces of material just so my mom can sew it back together.
I think you could also call this
bonding moments.
Soooo, I can envision MY children
saying to their dad – But Dad, you don’t even LIKE to play board games or go to
the fabric store. In which he SHOULD….I mean would reply – I know but I love
your mother and SHE likes to play board games and go to the fabric store. (bat
eyelashes).
I smile because you are my husband. I
laugh because you are stuck with me for E-TER-NI-TY!!
Russell M Nelson reminds us:
Mercifully, God's great plan of happiness and its eternal blessings can be extended to those who did not have the opportunity to hear the gospel in mortality. Temple ordinances can be done vicariously for them.
But what of the many mature members of the Church who are not married? Through no failing of their own, they deal with the trials of life alone. Be we all reminded that, in the Lord's own way and time, no blessings will be withheld from His faithful Saints. The Lord will judge and reward each individual according the heartfelt desire as well as deed.
In closing I would like to encourage all of us with this thought.
Work on marriages and ALL relationships constantly - they will be the greatest rewards in heaven.
Given Sunday, February 8, 2015 by Jody
1 comment:
Beautiful words and great advice!
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